Basic Profile
Name Heavy Spaghetti



The Citadel





Probably four

Status Probably alive



Owner of Heavy Spaghetti's Fried Vorts

Slave (former)


Physical Appearance
Height idk
Weight idk
Eye Color white i guess
Hair Color ice or something

Heavy Spaghetti is an inferdimensional chef that often travels across time to cook food. He is hunted by a group of rebels that want to form an army of strange people and artifacts from around the world, to help them fight against the Combine. 

Biography Edit


Heavy Spaghetti was created by Gordon Freeman after he accidentally tied a Combine soldier's corpse, a jar of mayo, a chunk of uranium, an active dark energy ball, a submachine gun, and a pizza together and threw it into the Citadel's Dark Energy Core. This created the being known as Heavy Spaghetti, who proceeded to smack Gordon and goes on a rampage throughout the almost destroyed Citadel. He is soon captured by Big Taters after stealing his hotdog and murdering his cousin in cold blood. Big Taters keeps him in his secret science lab below his hotdog stand, where he reverse engineers Combine technology in order to create the perfect fried headcrab recipe. He is fed deep fried antlion meat and Combine soldier blood, Taters cutting pieces of his super white meat off while he sleeps, examining it to see if it can be fried. 


While Taters was investigating a strange corpse of a shark with legs he killed, Heavy Spaghetti stole his keychain via a stick and unlocks himself from his cage. He knocks out Taters with a chunk of Combine metal, and flees from the lab. He heads onto the road and gets in a fight with a patrol of Combine soldiers. He beats them all to death his with legs, and after cooking their flesh with a bucket of leeches, he discovers that he is very skilled in the arts of cooking. Probably handed down from his adoptive father who fried all kinds of fried. He heads to a rebel settlement wearing torn Combine armor, opening a restaurant that consists of deep fried snarks (on a stick), secretly smuggling in fried Combine soldiers (on a stick).

Batmen Uprising Edit

A local raider group, calling themselves "The Batmen" (they dress up in Batman Halloween costumes they found in a crashed boat, thousands of crates filled to the brim with costumes), threaten to attack Little Headcrab (the settlement Heavy lives in) if they don't share Heavy's Special Double Deep Leech Burger with Combine Sauce recipe, they will nuke the town (with an undetonated Combine warhead they dug up). Heavy hears of these threats and decides to create a copycat recipe with a few extra tweaks. Instead of leeches, it's headcrab skin in the shape of leeches. Instead of Combine sauce it's a weird substance that a dead zombie excreted. And last but not least, instead of ground pepper, it's ground Xegamite (a black pepper-like plant that grows in Xen, but was recently brought to Earth by vortigaunt settlers. It is hot enough to cause literal explosive dirarhea, the resulting poo being acid that can melt through flesh faster than xenomorph blood. It is a delicacy for aliens, however). He shared the recipe with the Batmen, them almost attacking the town until they realized they could use this as a weapon (not to feed enemy troops, but to create suicide shitters). The settlers celebrated by pushing chunks of Combine tech into a Combine issue Ronco dark energy pasta maker, making blank/grey/blue noodles of metal and marketing it as exotic Combine pasta. 

Getting a TARDISEdit

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